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17 April 2009 @ 01:50 pm
Bruce II, Quint & Oarca (Buffy/Dean, Andrew Wells)  
Title: Bruce II, Quint & Oarca
Author: Lisa
Status: Completed One-Shot
Rating: PG-15
Fandom: BtVS/SPN
Character(s) and/or Pairing(s): Buffy/Dean, Andrew
Genre: Comedy, humor
Summary: Today I have a wondrous tale filled with romance and intrigue and discovery – such delights of the human spirit.
Challenge: N/A
Spoilers/Warnings: 7x16 (Storyteller) BtVS
Beta: Kaye, all mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all related characters are copyright of Joss Whedon & ME. No infringement intended. Supernatural and all related characters are copyright of Eric Kripke. No infringement intended. Transcript from BuffyWorld
Distribution: Not without permission from myself.
AN: Written for Krystal (Chosenfire) who has been having a bit of a rough 2009 and needed some cheering up. Hope this puts a smile on your face sweetie. xoxo

Blaine Washington stretched out along the harbor. Large steel cargo ships were guided smoothly through the harbor by the tugboats as the sun began to rise in the west. The breeze off the sea smelt of salt and some would say ‘freedom’.

“Fish. If I had to describe the smell I’d say fish.” Andrew Wells scrunched his nose in disgust as he closed the screen door with a loud ‘slap’. “Makes me nervous, all those fish out there.” Contorting his body in an unpleasant twitch he turned towards the camera.

“Oh, hello, there, gentle viewers.” He cleared his throat, as regal as he could before he ran his long fingers over what he liked to call his ‘Hef-coat’. “What a delight to see you once again. It’s been so long. But, like all great sacred affairs we had to keep this one hidden. Our heroine was none to pleased with our last tale of adventure and I still have the bruises.” Andrew rubbed and messaged his forearm while he gazed past the camera, pretending to relive the act of brute strength the Slayer had shown him, hoping the camera captured the moment with zest.

“Today I have a wondrous tale filled with romance and intrigue and discovery – such delights of the human spirit.” Andrew paused thinking back to a blonde that had captured the human spirit in a way he’d never seen before or since. “Come now with me, gentle viewers. This voyage will lead us scathed and possibly bruised for both of our heroes enjoy the violence more than our lovable Worf.”

Andrew leaned forward. “This is a little tale I like to call: Dean – Hunter, Lover, Rocker and Man of the Smooth Lines and Good Smelling Cologne.” His eyelids lazily closed while he breathed heavily. “Musky with the scent of cheap scotch and worn leather. Just like Spike.”


Andrew slinked around the cheap motel as he held the camera in front of him, recording his adventures. The wood siding was rotten and smelt of mold but that wouldn’t stop him. He was a man on a mission. Finally he reached his destination.

Whispering, he zoomed the camera to the motel number that was painted on the door. “Room number 11 is where we begin our tale. A hunter and a slayer brought together by the ugliness of the dark world. A world filled with mystic mirrors that reflect the souls of evil.”

Dramatically he crept to the dusty and stained window. “Yet, no darkness is too dark for these valiant heroes. Destiny brought them together and chemistry makes them spark. Let me show you, gentle viewers.” Stepping on the rickety wooden bench underneath he slowly stood, peeking into the corner of the window.

Dean lay sprawled on the bed while Buffy straddled him, her jean clad legs held him in place. They’d just gotten back from a night of hunting. A clan of vampires had decided that the small city of Blaine was an ideal place to set up shop. It hadn’t taken them long to find the nest and dust them all. Still, they’d stick around for a few days to ensure they gotten them all.

Adrenaline was still making her body hum and she was sure that sleep was still a few hours away. That thought sent a jolt of heat through her. Gods, she loved hunting with Dean.

“I vote we order in.” Absent-mindedly her fingers played with the hem of his grey button shirt. She twisted the fabric around her fingers.

Dean tried to concentrate on anything other then the feel of her heat against him. “Umm… yeah… sure.”

Slowly Buffy lifted herself up before pressing herself against him, she felt the bulge in his jeans stir. “Pizza? I feel like pizza.” She continued to grind herself against him while trying to act nonchalant. “Deluxe pizza, oh with pineapples. I know you hate ‘em but gods, I’m craving pineapples.” Licking her lips she nodded. “Definitely pineapples. I’m gonna go call ‘em.” As she went to swung her leg off him she felt him grab her thigh and hold her still.

“Pizza can wait.” Dean reach up and pulled her body flush against his before his mouth plundered hers.

Andrew’s face filled with heat and he scrambled to move the camera. “Youngling viewers, our… our heroes are simply checking for wounds after the epic battle.” He twisted away from the window and as he did his foot caught in the arm of the bench. Before he could steady himself he was tumbling to the ground. “Son of bantha!”

Dean and Buffy pulled away as a mumbled voice was heard before a loud bang.

“He wouldn’t.” Buffy’s eyes narrowed as Dean shoved her off him.

Dean stood and pinned her with a look that clearly said that the current pain in their ass would. Quickly he adjusted himself as he stomped to the door. Swinging it open he tried not to smirk as he took in the blonde that was contorted around the bench. One leg was still stuck in the arm while the other was up in the air. His face was squished against the floor and the camera was clutched in his arm protectively.

“I swear to God I’m going to kill you!” Dean scowled at him as he felt Buffy slip past him. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He turned to face Buffy. “What the hell is wrong with him?”

“Gods where do I begin.”’ Buffy stalked over to him. “What exactly didn’t you understand about the last threat and pummeling I gave you?”

Andrew moved the camera lens up towards the golden beauty. “Ah-ha, our heroine of this tale. Tell us, oh great leader, how was the epic battle. Are your foes defeated?”

Bending down Buffy snatched the camera from his grasp. “Andrew… you like living right?” She watched as he nodded rapidly. “Then I’m going to assume that this wasn’t some sick voyeurism but rather just another one of your pointless suck-umentaries.”

Dean shook his head as he walked over to the nerd. Grabbing him by the collar he lifted him up and shoved him against the side of the motel. “What she means is get the hell out of dodge before we feed your ass to the sharks.” He pushed him once more before he let go and took a step back. “Shit. What the hell are you wearing?”

Andrew adjusted his jacket. “It’s velvet.”

With a roll of her eyes Buffy spoke. “Andrew, go away.” She watched as he quickly walked away muttering something about Spielberg. “Sometimes I wonder why we didn’t let Willow fillet him.”

Dean looked at the camera that was still in her hands. Smirking he sauntered over to her and brought his mouth down to her neck, nipping at the delicate skin. “You know, we could do a little of our own voyeurism.”

Completed: April 17, 2007

chosenfire28: Buffy/Dean - Relationship Unexplored (kichosenfire28 on April 17th, 2009 07:58 pm (UTC)
OMG OMG OMG, this was just the prefect thing ever, that video would be awesome, and ANDREW, I LOVE YOUR ANDREW. I adore him so it was amazing to see this fic and everythign about it has me smiling now, and oh god you are the master at the way the human body fits together, I could see it so clearly, amazing job.

Lisa: BD Place of Hopeexposed1 on April 23rd, 2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
*squish* I'm delighted you liked this so much. You're awesome and you deserve goodness! Thanks, I love that you love my Andrew, he's probably one of my favorite characters to write. There are so many possibilities when it comes to him. He's a shiny character!

knightowl416knightowl416 on April 26th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
That was great! I love the way you write Andrew because it is so true to character. I could definitely see him sneaking around and trying to film Buffy and Dean together since they're heroes in his eyes.
Lisa: Dean Approvedexposed1 on April 26th, 2009 11:18 pm (UTC)
Awe, thank you, that means a lot. I think Andrew has so much potential and yeah, he provides the funny moments but he brings something else. He's one of my favorite characters to write, I don't know why I don't let my muse play around with his character more. Thanks so much; for reading and for taking the time to leave a review. I really truly appreciate it.
SkylarGraceskylar0grace on April 26th, 2009 01:24 pm (UTC)
*still laughing*
That was hilarious. I loved the 'It's velvet' comment. Pure gold Lisa :D
Lisa: BD Reject Realityexposed1 on April 26th, 2009 11:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I love writing Andrew, he's so much fun to dive into and write. Thanks so much for reading and then for leaving a review! Love getting them and so glad I caused you to laugh! I win!